Thursday, May 31, 2012

More than a Number on a Scale

More Than a Number on a Scale

By: J

If you told me 10 years ago that that I’d have issues with food, weight, and eating,
I would have said, “No way!  You’re crazy.  What have you been drinking?”

 Never would I have imagined that running would turn from something enjoyable to a chore,
Exercise and running are not fun anymore.

I must exercise to burn calories and be thin,
Only skinny people are seen as beautiful; once you’re thin, that’s when you win.

But win what?  A destiny of broken bones and osteoporosis?

The prize of misery and crazy thinking, you’d think I’m suffering from neurosis?

I’m often complemented for how skinny I am.  People are jealous of how I could accomplish with ease, such a feat.

Little do they know what lies beneath
I’m anything but happy, joyous and carefree,
There’s so much more that people just don’t see.

Please!  Someone free me from this burden of fear of gaining weight,
Pain, misery, and loneliness cannot be my fate

I don’t know why I’m doing these things or what purpose it serves,
All I know is, if a friend of mine were suffering from this, I’d say, “There’s so much more that you deserve.”

So why is it ok for my sister to be normal weight and for me not to be?
Why must I be super-skinny and my sister can be normal weight and pretty?

Why must I refrain from eating when I’m hungry or wait several hours before I eat?
I’ve now stopped eating foods I enjoyed before and reduced my intake of meat.

I’m scared, lonely, miserable, physically and emotionally spent, you see,
That’s why I must trust the judgment of professionals at the EDCC.  I must relinquish control and this death-grip I have on ED.

Anorexia is not worth it, being super-thin has brought me nothing but pain
There is so much more to life that I want to gain.

Life HAS to be better than this, life without anorexia is a life I want to once again seee,

I hope that I and everyone here gets to full recovery.
No one deserves this life of pain, suffering, and misery,

Let’s take these steps together, may us all be free.


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